Why I Don't Trust the Medical System

 Hello, and thanks for your time :)

 I figured I'd write a blog to explain why I have little trust in our modern medical system. I had already written a blog about some of my misadventures, but I figured I'd expound on it a bit. Back in 2008 when I had my heart attack, I spent that Friday and Saturday night in the hospital. I rarely had any visitors or staff come in. Just the occasional nurse who wanted to inject something into my IV and vanish. After a couple days my hips began aching badly from the bed, and I could not get comfortable, making matters worse. They ignored my concerns, so I checked myself out on Sunday. It was AMA (Against Medical Advice), but they got an ear full before I departed. I was better off at home. I did a followup with a specialist who did an ultrasound and a stress test, where it was determined that I basically sprained my heart (the membrane surrounding my heart was badly strained). I was working too hard in a very hot environment.

 In 2010 I was having problems with my knees. They would just 'go out' on me while I was walking. Sometimes I'd fall down, other times I could catch myself. So I arranged a meeting with a surgeon. They did tests and images and determined that I had a torn Meniscus in one knee, and frayed ligaments in the other. They did the surgery on the first knee, but the surgeon had already determined I was only in there for painkillers. So I didn't get much relief after the surgery. Within a month after the surgery, I started getting really bad pains in my calf and foot. The doctor was 'too busy' to see me so I went to the ER, where they determined I had a DVT (blood clot) in my calf (more than likely from the surgery). I was admitted back into the hospital where they injected me in the stomach with Heparin twice a day. After 2 weeks I was released and after a few more weeks could go to physical therapy. A year had passed and my right knee was in seemingly better shape. I gave the surgeon the benefit of a doubt, and agreed to have the next surgery on my left knee. After that next surgery, in the recovery room, I noticed I was already bleeding through the bandages before I even got off the table. They sent me home anyway. Something in the back of my mind told me this was going to be rough. I was unable to climb the driveway to my house as it had just snowed 9", and the driveway is 50 yards long and up hill, I had to stay at my mother's house. The trip down the driveway to go to the ER took me a half hour due to snow depth and crutches. Again having to deal with no painkillers, I toughed it out. After a week my entire leg was throbbing. When I looked at it, it was frightening. It was swollen twice the normal size and it had started turning black. My entire left leg all the way up to my waist was black and swollen. It had developed an infection from an apparent shoddy surgery. The surgeon was not concerned about it at all, and ordered his assistant to remove the stitches, then left the office. Since he prescribed nothing at all for the condition, I was forced to deal with it myself.

  I began taking massive quantities of Vitamin C and Garlic. Garlic is a known antibiotic, antibacterial, so that was my option. It was all I could do to tolerate the pain, and sat awake, in pain and in tears until I was so exhausted I would fall asleep. After another month of recovery I was able to walk without crutches and started physical therapy on it. To this day, my left knee feels better, but my right knee still gives me some trouble.

 I thought I was out of the woods by then, as I was on over 12 different medications, including Gabapentin for a condition known as Bilateral Neuropathy. It's like a chronic pain that was prescribed from a Sleep Study, where they determined I had a sleep disorder. Probably from the pill cocktail I was taking. I was taking cholesterol medicine, blood thinners, anti depressants, anti anxiety medications, along with a dangerous med called Cymbalta. After developing bad reactions to all of it, I was told to stop the Cymbalta. Little did they tell me that you're supposed to ween yourself off of that medication over a period of months due to it's addictive toxicity. So the after effect of stopping that cold turkey took it's toll on me. It felt like I was going through withdrawals from smoking crack. I don't remember much for about 5 months. After that I stopped taking ALL the meds so my system could recover. At that point they were not controlling my blood viscosity more than they were controlling the viscosity of my triglycerides and the other meds. I'm still drug free.

In 2015 I was at the grocery store with my mother. She said we needed cheese so I walked over to the section where it was. I looked at the display and my vision stopped working. No matter where I looked, all my brain would recognize was the first look at the display, even if I turned around. I did manage to take a few steps, and at that point I had no idea where I was, or who I was. After a few seconds everything went black. I remember waking up in the ambulance, then again in the hospital. For some reason, my brain just shut off. They were not concerned about WHY it shut off. My mother had to beg them to do an MRI to make sure there wasn't a tumor or anything. What happened when I blacked out was even more troublesome. I apparently fell straight back. And in doing so I hit the ground with my elbow. This ended up fracturing bones in my shoulder socket in 3 places. My Humerus was snapped and scraping everything inside. From what I am told, I laid in a hospital bed for 15 hours before they decided to get working on my shoulder. They were able to set everything back in place without invasive surgery. I was surprised they did it with no surgery, but was told it took 3 doctors working together to get it back in place. It bothered me after that but I was told "It is what it is, and we cannot fix it". So I just waited out the recovery time, and tried to go through physical therapy on it, which didn't work out so well. I finished the therapy at home by myself using improvised but practical methods.

On a different note, there is a story about my mother that solidified my distrust in the medical system. For a few years she had dealt with recurring sinus and respiratory infections, as well as urinary tract infections. They always manged to reduce the problem, but never got rid of it. Eventually they all came together in her body and started wreaking havoc. She told me that she was weak, nauseous, and dizzy, and her temperature was going up. She said she would wait until morning and call the doctor because she is pretty tough too. Apparently it overloaded during the night and she couldn't keep anything down and her blood pressure was dangerously low. I checked it and it showed 90/45 and her pulse was about 160. I called an ambulance which had to also navigate through 10" of fresh snow to get her and take her to the hospital. When she got there they put her in a room and forgot about her through the end of the shift. It wasn't until the next shift came in that they decided to do something. I was still at home trying to get my old truck started. They ran a couple tests on her and some surgeon there figured it was her spleen and had decided he was going to remove her spleen. She said no and he disappeared. A few hours later a nurse came into the doorway and told her she had the Norovirus. Again my mom told her no, and she also disappeared. The doctors there told her that if she wanted to stay she had to prove to them she was ill. Her average temperature is 96.6 and she had a fever of 99.8. They were thinking if it isn't over 100 then there is no fever. That would be our equivalent of having a temperature of nearly 102! She WAS running a fever, but their textbooks and antiquated medical training told them different.

They agreed to do a simple blood test and found her white blood count was through the roof. They also found out that she had advanced Septicemia. It only made sense to me because of all the infections she had, that it was now in her blood, but they wouldn't listen to me. It took them 2 days before they started doing something about it. I was told that if they had waited another day, that she would have gone into Septicemic Shock, from which there usually isn't a recovery.

 As you can see, the healthcare in this area is atrocious. When I feel the need to go to the doctor, I'm anticipating a hospital stay, or my life is in danger. I don't go for minor things like punctures, sprains, infections, or a scratchy throat. I'm pretty tough and I have a high pain tolerance. I also know a good deal about holistic care, and that is my mantra.

It's 1am now, so I'm closing this blog for the night. I'll work on it tomorrow. Goodnight/Day to you 💜😇

Forgot to add my abdominal mesh debacle, which is in my blog Medical Debacle. That's another disturbing medical issue they just drag their feet on. Still waiting for my appointment to have it removed, which is in 3 weeks.

7/15/21: Recently there was another debacle with my Mother. A few weeks ago she mentioned that her ear and neck were stiff, but she felt it was from yardwork. A week later she called the clinic to be seen. The nurse said it sounded like Mastoiditis. We got to the clinic and she went in. I did not, just to avoid the ill environment in clinics these days. I waited in the car for an hour. She came back out and they told her it wasn't Mastoiditis (without lab tests), and they tested her for strep throat, which came back negative. So we went and picked up groceries after we ate lunch. We stopped at the pharmacy on the way home, to pick up her antibiotics, but the pharmacist never got the order. We were told they wouldn't call in the prescription until her Xray was read. We had to drive back to the hospital and have an Xray done. It was a 40 mile round trip back to the hospital. They had a radiologist read it and the prescription was called in. She only got a 5 day supply of Augmentin. She took the pills as prescribed and didn't feel any better, so she called them back. They prescribed an additional 3 days. After the 3rd day, still no better. We went back to the clinic again today. This time they decided to draw blood and run some tests. They didn't even bother to run any tests on her the FIRST TIME she went in. They will be calling back tomorrow with the results. This incompetence is most taxing. 

Weeks ago they had the opportunity to properly diagnose and treat her, but they failed miserably, which they do repeatedly. Had I been her physician, I would have already had her admitted to the hospital where I could observe and run the required tests to find out exactly what it is. It is an infection from everything I have learned. I'm sure they will find elevated White Blood Cell counts consistent with a lymph node reaction consistent to an inner ear infection. I'm also hoping they test for sepsis as she also has an unusually higher pulse and BP as well as a fever, dizziness, balance issues, and nausea. This condition can work its' way into the spinal fluid system where it can also cause Meningitis. They cannot fix this with lazy doctors and pills. This will require hospitalization and intravenous treatment, whether it be viral or bacterial. I'm thinking it is a bacterial event, as it doesn't seem to have any contagion potential. They are just guessing, which is childish and incompetent. She has had advanced Sepsis before from another infection, and the dumbass doctors just left her laying around for a day before they decided to do anything. They told her she had to convince them she was sick. Two days in, some P.A. walks in and tells her she has Norovirus, because that is what was trending in ER/Admissions, yet they did no tests or anything to diagnose it. And there was a surgeon there insisting she have her gall bladder removed because 'that is the problem'. She was probably a day or two way from going into Septic Shock, which would induce coma and death, by poisoning the system from the inside. The doctors told her she did not have sepsis, because she would already be dead, and judging by their lack of knowledge and compassion, that they would have allowed it. The medical profession in some parts of this country are worse than third world villages, but charge patients 100 times as much for the same neglect.

2/25/22: After a few visits that I had concerns about, they just blew it off. The mesh implant in my abdomen has now fully contracted into my abdominal cavity. I had a CAT scan done and they again said they couldn't locate it, but continued with a list of other things they want to look at. If they cannot locate a foreign body in my abdomen, they sure as hell aren't touching anything else. So they have no concern about my quality of life, and the mesh will continue to flap around unless it decides to attach to my liver or intestines. I recently went back to have them check my wrist as it has been giving me great discomfort. A few years ago my mother had gotten very sick and I took her to the ER where they admitted her. I came back home only to find that the water line to the kitchen sink was frozen and the fitting busted. I planned out the task as to what I would need and on my way back to the hospital, I purchased the parts I needed. When I got Mom back home and settled in, I went back out to get the parts from my truck. I slipped on the ice on the step and went straight down on my wrist. It immediately sent throbbing pain all they way up to my neck. Something broke. My mother needed care and I needed to get the water running again, so broken wrist or not, I finished the repairs and rested the remainder of the day with ice on my wrist. 2 weeks ago I had an appointment with a Dr to have it checked. They did an X ray and determined that there were fractures in my carpal bones. Their treatment? Use a soft brace and just go home. "Yes there are fractures, but we're not going to worry about it unless it gets worse". Well, at this point I cannot do 1 pushup or hold a bowl of soup without pain. It bothers me when I try to play guitar or violin. I feel the bones rubbing together when I push a door open or reach back to grab my seatbelt. I have no idea how they define 'worse'.

So, a little about me...

  I'm being a bit lazy today. Haven't much worked on my projects as of late. So I figured I'd post a bit more about myself, like an interview, so here we go :)

Favorite fantasy movies: All of the Lord of the Rings/Hobbit movies, Avatar, Gladiator, 300, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Kingdom of Heaven

Favorite Sci Fi movies: All the Star Trek movies, the first Star Wars trilogy, Pacific Rim, all of the Resident Evil movies, Transformers, Guardians of the Galaxy, Interstellar,

Favorite Horror movies: SAW, Silence of the Lambs/Hannibal, The Shining, Pet Cemetery, Split, Aliens, Predator, Silent Hill,

Favorite Action movies: The X-Men, The Avengers, Jack Reacher, the Jason Bourne trilogy, the Shooter, The Quick and the Dead, the Terminator movies,

Movies that make me sad and cry: Braveheart, Passengers (2016), Lord of the Rings - Return of the King, Titanic, The Green Mile, and now the ending of Armageddon  >> I don't watch them often because they remind me of sad personal things. So presently, I don't watch ANY romance movies.

Favorite Comedy Movies: Monty Python (all 3), Family Guy Star Wars trilogy, Zombieland, Idiocracy, Scary Movie, Deadpool,

Favorite TV comedies: Family Guy, sometimes Robot Chicken, American Dad, South Park,

Cartoons I watched as a kid: Flintstones, Speed Racer, Kimba the White Lion, Thundercats, Underdog, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Coco the Clown, Gumby and Pokey, Banana Splits, Mighty Mouse, Jetsons, Roger Ramjet, Popeye, Bugs Bunny/Roadrunner show, Space Ace, Atom Ant, Pink Panther, Space Ghost.  There were sooooooo many cartoons. Too many to mention.

 I watch a ton of Documentaries and Educational shows: Ancient Aliens, How It's Made, Food Factory, Mysteries of the Abandoned, Secrets of the Universe, How the Earth was Made, The Unexplained, Modern Marvels, Air Disasters, Engineering Disasters, Law and Order, Aerial America, UFO's Uncovered, Drugs Inc., Unearthed, Life Below Zero, the BBC Blue Planet and associated nature documentaries, What on Earth, 

Other TV shows: Naked and Afraid, SpongeBob, Star Trek Voyager/DS9/TNG, X Files, NCIS, River Monsters,

Things I'm not really interested in: Politics, Religion, Reality Shows, Decorating shows, The Food channel, fake people, fake food, liars, sociopaths, pastries, decaffeinated coffee, 1 dimensional personalities, the Global Warming politics, those plastic bags at the supermarket vegetable section you can't get open without licking your fingers, I like Opera but not the screamy kind of opera, shopping carts with that one bad wheel,

Favorite music: Always liked Metal and Classical, so fusion genres are always good. I made EDM for a while, and still do from time to time. I still compose hybrid classical/ambient music. So far, I have 5 albums and a few singles on Spotify/Bandcamp. Currently I'm into Japanese Metal and my favorite band is Unlucky Morpheus.

Random Shit: Navy veteran, coffee drinker, my PC monitor is almost the same size as my TV, I drive a GMC 4X4 truck, I have an ammo reloading bench, I'm a nerd that looks like a Rocker, I've authored several books, light smoker, big on natural supplements, pharmaceuticals are not an option 99% of the time, I Fast from 14-20 hours a day, always philosophical, I have a nearly fully stocked medical Trauma kit in my room, had a Master 1st Aid certification at one time, I know every curse word there is but I respect those who do not, I love Battlebots, I'm devoted to only one woman, Prepper/survivalist, Weather spotter, classic Kung Fu movies, seen ALL the Faces of Death shows, my credit is shit because I pay cash for most everything, every month I donate to the Wounded Warriors Project and the ASPCA, always wanted kids but still do not have any, I have more hobbies than time, I can do electrical/plumbing/mechanical/repair work as well as industrial maintenance and scheduling, I can cook but I'm no master chef, took a Correspondence course in Private Investigation (Top Student in my class), I hold a World Record in I think 2 games played on the Tandy Color Computer,

I'll be 60 this year, but my lifestyle is more like a 40 year old. Bluegrass and Gospel are the big thing here, but it's not my thing at all. It's one of the main reasons I don't go out much. Not much at all to do around here, but I love the quiet and the open country. Out here, gunshots don't raise any eyebrows. I got tired of the Rat Race years ago, and needed a change. Although it isn't very supportive of my music, I still enjoy it. In my Region, my electronica and ambient music have been #1 in the Reverbnation charts for over a decade, yet I'm still a nobody around here. I rarely make money from my music. I don't mind spending money on it, but I know it will never pay itself off. I have gifted/supported one of my favorite bands with about $2000 to help them out during this pandemic. I'd like to help out others, but I am by no means rich, although I have purchased other albums/tracks. I'm on a fixed income, and I don't blow it just because I have it. I'm still saving for my vacation ;)

It's getting late, and I still have a few things to do before bed, but I will update this blog very soon.

5/6/21: I am in the process of putting together my first ever REAL CD. It will be 9 tracks, which are the best of my Cinematic/Epic Symphony pieces. They have been released on YouTube, Bandcamp, and distributed to other platforms such as iTunes, Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, iHeart, Deezer, TikTok, Instagram, Napster, Amazon Music, and a few others. The difference will be that these tracks are being sent out to be professionally mixed and mastered. I haven't decided if I will use them masters on the album. There will also be original cover art, and I'm hoping to have it as professional as I can. I am not a member of many of these platforms yet (besides Spotify and Amazon). It may be a limited production, and I know 1 is already pre-reserved for someone special. After this release, I will begin on the My Angel album (13 tracks) and have them professionally mastered as well. That will probably set me back $2000, so I'll do that after I return from my vacation. I'm also working on a 2 volume book about science and cosmology in association with ancient history. That will set me back a big chunk of money on professional publishing also. My vacation takes priority over these.

5/9/21: So why am I doing this? When I'm gone and my yearly distribution payments stop, my music will be pulled from ALL the distribution platforms (Spotify, Amazon, iTunes, iHeart, Deezer, Pandora, Tidal, Instagram, etc). So basically when I'm gone, so is my music. This way, I will still have music in circulation. As you have hopefully read in my other blogs, I don't have a wife or kids, so this is about the only hope at a Legacy that I will have. I will be publishing a 2 volume book about ancient mysteries and cosmic events next year. So in an attempt to leave some kind of legacy, I am creating physical copies of my work, as it will be my only bloodline. From all the money I have invested in this, I have recouped less than 1%. I'm not rich but I'm not concerned about the money. I can't take money or anything with me when I'm gone, but hopefully I can leave something that will make the world a little better. To many, money makes the world go around, but it cannot buy happiness. When you run out of money, you are then in a position to appreciate what it cannot buy.

6/8/21: Today has just been one of those days, and a hug would have really helped. But alas, there's only one of us here. Over the last few months the stress has been slowly building. I'm not a bundle of nerves, but I can feel the weight of it all. It seems as though everything on my timeline feels like any kind of headway is still months away. It would be nice to have someone special in my life to talk to. Instead I have all these thoughts swimming around in my head, unchecked. The surgery, the recovery, my vacation plans, my crush, my investments, my music future, the typical mid-life crisis shit, etc. It's like holding a grenade with the pin pulled and the only thing keeping it from going off is my determination to hold it firmly, and never let go. I'm at the mercy of a diminishing destiny, and the threads are getting thinner the longer I wait. Some days I wonder why I publish my music. There doesn't seem to be any validation in what I'm doing. I keep doing it because I need to create. Putting your deepest emotions into a song, only to get 3 or 4 plays a month on it, is not very motivating. Still I think one day it will be relevant to some.

So, it's 420

 Hello, and thanks for taking time to read my blogs :)

Today is 4/20, the weed smokers holiday. While I do not do it, I'm sure there are plenty of happy people sharing their interest. Last year they legalized Medical Marijuana here in my state, and are still setting up the proper infrastructure. It's worth considering at this point, but there are other factors involved. They say that if you are prescribed Med MJ, they also check to see if you own firearms. Apparently they think anyone that smokes MJ will go on a shooting spree, which it totally false. While I do own them for home protection, I have no intention whatsoever of carrying them out to a protest, or to show a potential threat. I don't do protests either, but that's beside the point. I don't belong to any group or label. I am simply me.

 I have some that I am Stewarding for relatives because they trust me and my decisions, and they are locked up in a safe. I also built my own AR15 5.56 NATO piece by piece, legally from high quality parts. The lower receiver is registered with the FBI/BATF, and I have no criminal record. People have asked me why I own one, when a simple revolver/pistol would do. As they teach you in the military, as well as law enforcement, the strategy of +1 applies. This means you should have the ability to repel an enemy with a +1 force of firearm. With all the crazies running around with these things, it is wise to also have one. I have no plans on playing Rambo. I have a home, and my Mother to also protect.

But back to the weed thing. If it is ever legalized for recreational use, I would have to go with edibles. Firstly, there is no smoking involved, as my Mother has allergies. In my past experiences, it was calming and inspirational. I was 200% into music and chillin out. I'm sure I would have a whole new area of music to explore. I would also choose to be responsible with my usage. No driving, no power tools, no gun fun. Just guitar, music, gaming, and my book research. I'm a laid back kind of person, and weed only made me even more laid back. I don't touch it now because it is still illegal, and I do follow the rules of the law. Haven't had any in over a decade. I'm very well disciplined in as many ways. My willpower is my kung fu, and it is strong ☺️

I am also a very rational thinker. I'm not negative or positive. I am a realist, and reality is both elements. I think in benevolent ways. How would it be solved where both sides can be satisfied with the result? I've learned a long long time ago, that arguing is not the answer. A dialogue is the answer. Where people can discuss things without yelling or becoming defensive. 

Oh well, that's enough for this blog. It's late and I need sleep. Good night/Day to you 💜

Staying positive and Productive

 Alas, it is turning out to be 'one of those days' again. Without even actively thinking about it, my heart feels heavy. Some days I just feel forgotten and left behind. It's nobody's fault. It just is. Some of it is just lockdown fatigue, some is not being able to travel, some is badly missing someone, some is having an insatiable longing for someone an ocean away, some is mid life crisis, some is medical concerns, some is having validation for the music I create. There are days where they win, and days where I win. I'm doing everything I can to stay positive, and for the most part, is going well. I still compose music and practice guitar along with my many other hobbies, but sometimes, my heart isn't 100% in it. And I don't like working on things like this when I'm not inspired. It feels artificial and mechanical.

 I'm pretty much in the midst of what they call a mid-life crisis. I'm nearing 60 and I have no girlfriend, no wife, no kids, no pets, I live with my Mother, no best friends, a fixed income, and I wonder how I will leave my legacy. My bloodline ends when I do. When I was younger I had imagined such a very different life than where I'm at now. I can't go back and change it, but I would sure love to be 20 years younger knowing what I know now. I would be exactly where I wanted to be without these disabilities, financially independent, and I would be on top of the world. So far, no luck, but I can still have dreams.

I'm not looking for sympathy, pity, or drama. Just letting you know why I'm quiet some days. I'm still kind and respectful, usually in a comedic kind of way. I still laugh and smile. It's just some days are harder than others. It takes a lot of energy to act like everything is great. People who never had to do this will not understand. I don't drink or do drugs. Some days I wonder if it's still an option. At least I could get a break from things.

4/24/21: Today however, is a different story. There are just things that stay on my mind all day long. Not things like 'did I lock the door', but very personal things which I won't get in to right now. From the time I wake up until I fall asleep, I always have unanswered questions and thoughts that persist no matter what I try to do. Even while composing or practicing guitar, I cannot be 100% focused. I try to be productive every day, but some days it feels like there is this big empty void looming over me. Although I'd rather have a much different life, sometimes we have little choice in what happens. Time, distance, and circumstances all factor in. We have to try to adapt. In my case, I don't know, but I ask myself what is possible, and try to accept it with a positive outlook. The days where I'm mostly quiet online are the days when the void is very heavy.

6/3/21: Just to touch on the overall views of all of this. I'm not a negative person. I'm pretty laid back and often comical, and I am quite confident in all of the things I can do. I don't do anything half assed. I don't jump on every little task the moment it shows up, but things that need to be done, get done. Over the years I've had plenty of people take a huge dump on me, so I'm just a bit shy around people as I understand how human nature works, and how predictable society has turned out to be. Liars think everyone lies, cheaters think everyone cheats, thieves think everyone steals, playas think everyone is a playa. Sure I get sad. We all do. That's all part of this thing we call life. All of these emotions offer us lessons and experiences, and will ultimately mold us into who we are. We are a product of our environment, and it is up to us to make the changes we want to see in our lives.

A Day of Reflection

  Hello, and thank you for your time 😊

Today started out as usual. Trash day and the weekly grocery run. When I returned home and checked my social media, a topic came up where it made me think of my Dad. He passed away 22 years ago. I recently remembered I had some of his old memorabilia. Not many things, but fond memories of what I have.

 First thing was his softball glove. He was a fast ball pitcher in the Navy. He could hurl a fast ball underhand at about 90 mph. Some days he would need to practice before a game, so my brother or I would play catcher for him. Being that we were only about 10 at the time, it took some gearing up. I usually wore my football gear and an extra glove inside the catchers mitt. Them pitches hit like a bullet, especially when the ball was bigger than my hand. But we got to go to many a game when he was playing. It was fun. We went to games every other weekend or so, to many parks around the area. At one time the Detroit Tigers scouted him to be on their team. But my dad could throw a ball farther underhand than he could overhand. He was also in the military, and worked at the Pentagon at the time, so no traveling.

I also have his old Soap Box Derby car from when we were in the Cub Scouts. It's in an old cigar box we've had ever since I was a puppy. He took such care in making his car that it won a ribbon for best show, even though it was a kids function. Those days were so much better socially. None of us won the races, but it was fun doing that stuff with him. Sometimes it's not about winning, so much as who you are in the race with. Sometimes we get so focused on winning that we stop thinking about how to help others win also.

The next item is an old car model box. A Canned Heat roadster model kit. The lid is loose and about to fall off, but I remember that box so well. He kept much of his model building stuff in that box. Scissors, a cutting razor, paint, toothpicks, pins, glue, and brushes. I was able to find his most favorite brush. It was a plain model paint brush, but he trimmed it down to just 3 or 4 bristles. He liked to take his time doing that, and we always kidded him about his 3 bristle brush. All of the models are gone now, but us males in the family enjoyed model time together. Sometimes building unusual cars with spare pieces.

Quite a few years back I asked Mom about his favorite fishing set. It was an old drop down spinning, lever actuated Shakespeare reel, mounted on an 8' fly rod. It was his main setup. Mom said it was sold in a garage sale before she moved. I miss that combo. He caught a State record qualifying largemouth bass on that rig in the Potomac River in Maryland. He was using chicken liver for catfishing. He had pulled up the rod to bring in his bait when the bass had mistaken it for a crawfish. It took him a while to reel it in, but it was 7 1/2 pounds. We were at school when it happened so we didn't get to see it, bit he got a certificate for it.

But I still have some of his favorite lures. One is a Budweiser beer can wiggle bait. He never caught anything on it, but it made him chuckle when he saw it. His other is a beat up Little Joe. Nothing really but a painted flat weight with hooks on it. He has caught more lost fishing poles with it, than fish. So he used to joke about fishing for fishing poles.

I can't find his harmonica, although I remember it well. He would play it on occasion. Before he passed, he tried to play it but he got too out of breath to finish. He was good at it, and I remember listening as a kid, and it was just fun and exciting. 

Anyway, that's just a few memories of my Father and how it was growing up. Next year, I will be the same age as him when he passed. 

If you are still in touch with your parents, please take the time to let them know they still matter. There is no guidebook to being a parent, so there are good times and bad times. Just keep all the good stuff, and get rid of the bad. You'll be better off in life with that approach.

Until next time..... 😀

 4/25/21: I remembered a hilarious and surprising story about one of our fishing trips. I was about 10 or 11 then. My Dad, his work buddy, my brother and I went camping in the Shenendoah Mountains to go fishing. We just got our lunch ready (hot dogs and chips) and were getting ready to eat. My Dad had a plate of food in one hand, and a beer in the other. When he sat in his chair, it started rolling over sideways. So over he went. Did a complete turn feet over head, in his chair and fell out of it. When he sat up a few feet away, he had this blank look on his face from the fall. He was uninjured. We all sat there in disbelief when we saw he was still holding his plate and beer. Not even one potato chip fell off. We still don't know how he managed that, but it was so funny. That afternoon we were getting ready to cook the fish we caught. His buddy was standing too close to the fire trying to get warm, that he caught his pant leg on fire. In a hurry, my dad grabbed the closest thing to put it out, which was a bucket full of catfish. And since it rained most of the weekend we ended up all 4 of us sleeping in the back of his pickup, which was loaded with softball gear. I got to sleep on a bag full of bats. Such a wonderful memory :)

5/6/21: Earlier today I had the sad thoughts of when he passed away. I won't go into details now, but I was in the ER when they were trying to revive him. I was also at the house when they were trying to revive him. After 45 minutes with no success, I had a terrible decision to make, and it still haunts me. My Mother was also there, and kept insisting they keep trying. I knew what happened and what the severity of it was, and I had to let the medical staff know it was time to call it. It crushed me. While we were attending his funeral, my wife at the time was showing her ass trying to be the center of attention and got mad because people were not surrounding her and giving her their undivided attention. She was inconsolable and acting like a child, right there in front of my Dad's open casket. That evening as we lay in bed, I was dozing off and I felt a presence in the room. I began to connect with it, as I had a feeling that it was my Father. His death was so sudden he didn't get a chance to speak with anyone. I felt myself being lifted out of my body and ascend to the realm where we could have our final words. About half way into it, my wife taps me on the shoulder and says "I'm leaving you when we get home". I found myself back in my body having to deal with this situation of her tantrum. I never had the opportunity to speak with my Father after that.

The Medical Debacle

 A few weeks ago I began having more noticeable abdominal pains, and had noticed that the abdominal mesh implant was no longer where it is supposed to be. Last week I called my Doctor to set up an appointment and they called me back the next day to set an appointment for today at 11:30. I got a phone call this morning by their office informing me that I was not an active patient, and they would have to schedule a new status, which would be 2-3 months away. I drove to their office and personally showed up for the appointment anyway. I'm like that 😁

 They informed me that since I had not had an appointment with them in 3 years, that I was to add my name to the list to register as a new patient. I brought to their attention that I was in there last year with very severe congestion and breathing problems. They said that was a 'Walk-In' and does not count as an office visit. The reasoning behind that is childish, and I'm not sure how that works, but ok.... whatever...

 This morning I spoke with my Doctors Assistant face to face and explained my situation. They took a couple Xrays to check. After a few minutes the PA came back in and checked my abdomen. She proceeded to tell me that I have a blockage or gas pockets. More than likely that 'blockage' was the meal I just ate before I left the house. The prognosis did not match any of their 'symptoms' of a blockage, but they called it that anyway. Then it was suggested that I increase my fiber intake and drink more water. In her next breath she says 'Xrays won't detect the mesh anyway', even though that was why I was there. They did tell me that they would let the Radiologist look at it, and get back to me. Yes, let a trained specialist look at it also. They know what to look for.

 I'm a bit stumped that I would have to debate with them whether or not my condition is dangerous, and my concerns are legitimate. I'm only about 5 points below qualifying for the Mensa Society, so I have a tendency to look at all the possibilities, and imbue the rationalities that need further inquiry. Even a dietician would approve my diet. The fact that I had increased my exercise to include abdominal crunches beginning about a year ago, that perpetual movement could have dislodged the mesh and began pulling it inside the cavity, as it is attached to the inside of my abdominal cavity. In retrospect, I had noticed the patch/mesh getting smaller over time. It was in the process of internal migration through the path of least resistance. But we'll let the experts figure that out 😉

On the other end of the spectrum, if it is not a problem with the mesh, which I doubt, the possibility of Ulcers still exist. I've had several before so it wouldn't surprise me if I had an ulcer as well. They didn't even consider that. I may be experiencing some underlying stresses and anxieties, which may have compounded the situation.

So while they take their time with a diagnosis, I'll continue to do my best. I had to stop with the ab crunches just as a precaution. Apparently this will be a battle of attrition with modern medicine and 'protocols', but so be it. My Father was a part of US Navy JAG and a fair authority. That's where I get it. Anyways, I'll update this blog as more info comes in :)

4/11/21: Still waiting for the clinic to contact the surgeon at the hospital to arrange an appointment for a CT or MRI to locate the patch. The don't seem to be in much of a hurry since their Radiologist says the Xrays were 'normal'. And I don't want to be all crippled up on my vacation. It would be a bad image when I get there. 

4/20/21: After waiting for so long, I called the clinic again and left a message with the Referral Nurse, and yesterday I got a return call that they have forwarded my medical records to the surgeon, who should be contacting me soon for an appointment. I need to go to the clinic tomorrow to sign Release documents so they can retrieve the records from the original surgical implant. Finally the rolling ball is gaining momentum.

4/24/21: So far no word back from the surgeon. It seems like all of these folks are taking their time, like they're shopping for just the right patio furniture. I signed the medical releases and hoped it would help to expedite the process. They cannot contact the surgical group that put the mesh in. It was over a decade ago. Businesses close every day. As far as I see it now, it's a bit more important to get the damn thing out, then they can play with it all day if they want. Just get it done. 

4/25/21: I had decided I was going to call the surgeon on Monday to arrange an appointment, but I just received a letter from their office in the mail. I have an appointment on May 19th. I'm ready to get started. This thing is getting more uncomfortable by the day. It feels like the mesh is trying to attach to a few organs. So an MRI/CT will have to happen first to determine the extent of the migration, then the surgery, then the recovery time. And if I survive it, I'll be offline a bit more than usual. I'm pretty sure they'll have to open me up like a fish to get to it. But it is progress. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger, and I'll have to start my exercise routine all over again. I have also been taking Kratom on occasion just to ease the pain a bit. It is still legal here in the US. Good thing about Kratom is that it targets the same pain receptors as opiates do, but without the side effects, and the addiction potential. If I also have a stomach ulcer along with this mesh problem, it would also explain the additional discomfort. I don't show it, but I can sometimes worry too much about things. 

4/30: I was kinda hoping to get this abdominal problem taken care of sooner, as I also wanted to have my eyelids done before my vacation. It's frustrating now as my eyes always feel like they're half closed. I'm also sure they will want to have a closer look at these black spots on my skin, but I refuse to do chemotherapy. Firstly because I don't want them killing my immune system. They're good at that. Secondly it is far more than I can afford. I'd rather be normal and financially stable than terminally ill and poor.

5/5/21: It's now 2 weeks until my appointment. Still patiently waiting. It's hard not to do my exercises during this, but I don't want to complicate things. Still watching my diet, and I'm still very slowly losing weight. I'm down to about 156 pounds now. I think I'll be happy at about 145 pounds. Some days I want to eat everything in the house, but I know better 😀 

5/15/21: Just a few days before the appointment, and I'm starting to get butterflies in my stomach. I'm a bit nervous about the recovery. I know my Mother will be there, but beyond that, it will be rough to do it alone. I've had to do it several times already, and it's frustrating to have to do it again. It isn't much of a comfort knowing that, going into this. But we all have to do what we have to do.

5/19/21: Today was appointment day, finally. It only took 6 weeks lol. I got to speak with the surgeon about my dilemma. And after a brief conversation, she checked my abdomen, and could not locate the patch either. They are setting up an appointment to get an MRI scan done so they can locate it. Once they find it, they can start thinking about how to get it out and clean up as they work their way out. Right now it feels like a dishrag floating in the sink. On the bright side, I've lost 2-3 more pounds.

5/28/21: It's Friday evening and still no call about my MRI appointment. They said it would take a week, but it looks more like 2 weeks. I'm trying to get this done efficiently, but they're having nothing to do with that notion. 

6/3/21: Still no callback about my MRI appointment. I'm beginning to think I'll still be in the late stages of my recovery when my vacation comes up, and some pain and discomfort won't stop me. I'm headstrong like that. 

 Just before their offices closed, I got the call I was waiting for. I have a CT Scan scheduled for next week, and the followup scheduled a week after that. We can then discuss the Pre Op situation. Hopefully we can get the ball rolling soon. This Post Op recovery has been stressing me out for a while. And after a while of recovery, when I'm half way normal, I can then arrange to have this tooth pulled. It has been cracked in half for over a year. I can feel it clicking around every time I brush my teeth 😇

6/4/21: Did a bit of research on the CT/CAT scan technology. It turns out that there is a 1:2000 chance that it could disrupt my DNA or give me cancer. I got that info from a leading medical website. CT uses low energy gamma radiation where an MRI uses magnetic resonance. I'm not too fond of the possibilities of detrimental effects, but it is what it is. The surgeon never considered the possibility of an invasive exploratory surgery so CT Scan it is. It won't be the first time I've been irradiated. I had 2 heart stress tests in the last 7 or 8 years where Sodium Thallium was injected into my bloodstream for their diagnostics. At that point I was mildly radioactive. I could tell because I have a NukeAlert device that warns of potential airborne radiation. I had to place it far away for a couple days until the radiation dissipated. It was beeping when I was close to it. I'm sure I'll be radioactive for a day or two after the scan. After it wears off, we can determine the date as to when they'll open me up like a fish and fix the problem. Until then, life goes on 😊

6/12/21: CT Scan is done. I have an appointment next Thursday with the surgeon to discuss the findings. The CT process kinda pissed me off. I get there early, hoping to be in and out within an hour. After I got in I waited a while to get signed in and registered. About 20 minutes after that, some guy brings me a tall styrofoam cup and hands it to me. He tells me I need to drink most of it, and then wait for 1 1/2 hours for it to 'work' before the scan. So in disgust, I sit there for well over an hour before I was called in for the scan which took less than 10 minutes. I'm a very patient man, and I have no issues waiting for things. I have the patience of a Saint. The fact that they didn't tell me anything about the wait when they called to confirm the appointment is what tipped it. Anyways the scan is done, and now I can leave. I had gone without food for about 20 hours, which isn't all bad as I have fasted for that long before. But just to make sure I ate well, I went to Applebees and had a Bourbon Street chicken and shrimp meal, with a side of Hot Wings. On the brighter side, my NukeAlert didn't show any signs of radiation, so all is good :)

6/17/21: OK, got back from the Surgeons office after reviewing the results of the CT scan. They say they don't need to do surgery. On the other hand, they said they don't know where the mesh is. They 'think' it has 'incorporated' into my innards or my abdominal wall. I can tell you now that the mesh is no longer on the outer abdominal wall. I've had it for 15 years, and I am well aware of where it should be. Anyway, they told me if my discomfort persists they will check again. So with there being no surgery, I asked them about physical activity like exercise. They say there is no problem, so I am setting up a Gym membership very soon, and getting back to my ritual. I'm also going to get a fishing charter and go after giant catfish (80+ pounders), since I will save a boat load of money by not having to pay for surgery.  So this will wrap up this blog. If anything changes, I'll update it.