Given the trending topic on social media, I felt that I would share an experience for those to consider. It's probably best to refer directly to the incident, so here is a link to the gruesome 1992 event:
https://apnews.com/4007f6c880fea4ce55ef2598e765c3d7
This man (Duncan Proctor of North Charleston, SC) was arrested and charged with 27 counts of rape. I find it appalling that such a person would be in society, and I'm sure there are many more like him. I try to understand the psychology of his actions, and I still find it disturbing and utterly barbaric. My heart goes out to the victims of this ravenous assault. No woman should have to fear for their health and safety from these disgusting predators. It places an undue and unfair amount of stress on those who wish only to be safe wherever they may go.
So, where is this story going? I wanted to share my experience on this incident and how it also affected me. I lived very near where many of these travesties took place (the next housing project over). I worked in a Pub close to home. I was the cook and barback where I had a 40 hour schedule (weekdays and weekend nights). In the same location, next door, was a Cosmetology School which had upwards of 200 students with new students and graduates exchanging booths. Mostly young females, and all full time and studying for their future as Cosmetologists.
During the 2 years of investigating rape and bodily assault reports, the story had become quite popular on our local news. There were not really any descriptions of the assailant as the incidents occurred at night, or while the victim was asleep. Months dragged on without an arrest, and the media was getting quite involved in finding this person. About a year into the investigation, they released what they believed to be a composite of the rapist. It was all over the local media. Every channel, every newscast. The worst part is, that it didn't even look like me, but was mostly because of the location of the crimes. The composite showed what appeared to be a person with dark hair wearing a bandana. I'm blonde. Always have been.
It didn't take long before talk started coming from the women in the Cosmetology center to suggest that I looked like the guy in the police blotter picture. We were about the same age, and that was about it. But now that they started thinking that I was the rapist started settling in. They even treated me like one. Needless to say, business dropped off in the pub I worked at. And not a single person in that college would give me the time of day. Food orders dropped off dramatically because of the association. So out of nowhere, I had become a suspected rapist, without even a thought of such an ugly act. When I would show up for work, I was told by bartenders that 'some of the girls were asking about you again today'. And not in a good way. Honestly, I had been without a girlfriend for years before that, and was actually quite lonely and introverted. It was like a stake in my heart, and the splinters still remain.
This went on for months while the police were still searching for the perpetrator. I went to work with this dark cloud looming over me, hoping just as much as the students next door, that they would catch this guy. I was told that even the police spoke with my manager once or twice, so I'm guessing word had reached law enforcement, and I was now a suspect, but I was never directly approached by either the Police or the college girls. I had to validate my innocence from this accusation, but the damage was already done. No matter if they learned that it wasn't me at all, would make no difference due to the social dynamics and psychological impacts it implies. That action automatically negates trust, and amplifies personal safety. There was a woman in the College who I liked and her friend told me they were going to be going out, and this is where we could meet in a public place. She told her that I may show up to meet her. When the time came, I arrived and saw her. Within 5 minutes she was gone. Poof! Never heard from her again. Her friend mentioned that she was scared, and left for her own safety. Well, I can't blame her for her reaction. It is the most logical and positive thing to do. I hold no ill will against her for her actions, and I understand why she did what she did. I had to convince myself that I was content to know that she felt safe being away from me. My self esteem and confidence had just found a new low. It's a horrible damage to inflict on someone. I spent the remainder of that night in a nearby pub where nobody knew me. I got stumbling drunk and ended up sleeping in my car that night. I felt like I had to hide my face in shame for something I would NEVER even think about, let alone attempt something that disgusting.
I was crushed. All I wanted to do was to talk and be friends. I had no expectations, or plans, or designs at all. All I wanted to do was convince her and her friend that they had me all wrong. My drinking habit began to intensify from that point on. I am deeply against this rape culture mentality, and have reason to be. Not only the women are victims in this, but it goes both ways. I wasn't openly accused of rape, but the consensus that I looked like a poorly drawn composite was reason enough for an unfair and overwhelming reaction by an entire institution, as well as the impact it had on our neighbors. The entirety of the cosmetologist enclave projected such a negative impression of me, that it left a lasting impression. The Manager there knew what was going on, but little was done to remedy it. I ended up quitting that job shortly after the arrest of Duncan Proctor due to the damaging aftershocks of my situation. Not one of them apologized for what they had done. Nothing! I was stereotyped as a rapist and a sexual predator by a group of people who didn't even care that they ruined my life and credibility. Even the months I had to endure with that disgusting label would take much time to nullify. I hold no malice in my heart for what they did. All I can/could do was to forgive them. It was the only way to gain any closure from a wound that would not heal. To them it was funny. Not so much for me. Although I can forgive them for what they did, it left permanent scars. I've always been super shy, and that only made it worse. It's difficult for me to 'make the first move'. Some wounds, however unintentional, may never heal.
In this perspective, please consider who these allegations could affect, and what it may do to someone falsely accused of such a thing. It leaves a deep scar, but one you cannot see. I'm not saying to ignore an act that is so barbaric in nature to protect people you may know. Whether you know them or not, this predatory behavior must be stopped before it claims another victim. If you see something like this starting up, stand up and stop it before it snowballs, and something bad happens to another human being. And please, please, don't start rumors about people who could not possibly perform such a vile act. Accusing someone of being a sexual predator when they aren't, is a violent assault on their character. You have no idea of the damage such inflammatory accusations can have.
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